& if you know what i`m talking about, you would find it immensely amusing also.
i have stuff to blog about so i will break it up into topics & they all have to do with ME!
i will be as ... not as pessy as possible!
ahhhhhhh i`m trying to work on the self-esteem thing. i think i`m very interesting but sometimes i feel my looks lack. boy man, but i feel pretty content now since i change my style somewhat & cut off this annoying hair. so as long as i`m content in what i wear & my hair . . . i could care less about my looks even though it still bothers me but maybe someday i will overcome it. i have this intense shyness when it comes to boys & ughh sometimes on campus i see some ones that i find really attractive! i feel like uber straight right now! haha idk. but its like at 100% right now. but anyways back to the boys. like i have this one in one of my classes & he is soooo gorgeous! sigh sigh sigh. i wish i had the courage to talk to him & the two other boys i thought were attractive last semester. but i`m very laid back on the boys thing. relationships aren`t too important to me so i`m not the one to overreact over some attractive boy that i might see. but sometimes i feel like i might lack if i was to pursue something idk. like they wouldn`t like me! but i guess thats my insecurities playing a factor bc every single time i was really, really, really into someone they never liked me back. but goshhhh maybe these are my hormones talking bc sex is on my mind. oh well. i`m not all about the physical; don`t do it too much but it is rather nice. ^_^.
i find myself having a very low tolerance for a couple of friends. i know this is bad but the main reason why i do this is because i`m not being entirely upfront with them. i noticed that the friends that annoy the fuck out of me are the ones that i am never completely honest with. most of the time i have problems with them & i just don`t say anything. i need to change this bc this has been putting a strain on a lot of my friendships. maybe i should care more . . . but i`m pretty chill. i feel like i don`t need people . . . even tho i do. i`m turning into a loner. not very social. but i`m like well if i look 'cool' i don`t need to be. i like to stay inside of my head a lot of the time. it`s pretty fun. i love to analyze things & listen to music. that`s the perfect day to me . . . just being a lone, but it would be nice to have a male companion & i loveeeee attention from attractive ppl. lol but who doesn`t. i find making friends to be pointless now bc i already have mine though. i would rather sit in the dorm alone in the dark then go out anywhere. haha sad. well ehh unless it`s to go eat.
i`ve noticed a lot about ex`s. they`re the little piece of the puzzle that makes you, you & when they enter & leave, something about you changes both times. you have to learn how to forget everything & move on. but it`s okay because you will meet another love oneday. but i soo don`t believe in soulmates but love is beautiful when it`s honest & not so subliminal & i really hate subliminal; i will ignore it. it pisses me the fuck off. like everything else. but trust me when i say i`m over it.
i had an awesome LIVE chat. in case you`ve gotten this blog link off of myspace you should add one of the members of MKDN on there. i`ll give the links at the end of this post. anyways, yeah it was soo freaking funny bc this girl always comes in our chat. she`s di`s friend on there & she never says anything. just like a bump on the log. . . but tonight it was extra special bc nat finally got a webcam & we had a new person in there; paco. so anyways paco is really rude so he kept insulting the girl & she got so freaking mad. i couldn`t stop laughing. it was so rude. like she looked so dumb bc the whole time her mic was on mute...like wtf for. & she looked so upset. anyways it was excruciatingly funny lol. i was highly amused. the girl looked like jenny decker...my past US history AP teacher lol. . . so funny & then nat kept saying 'hot lips' LMFAO. my friends are sooo funny.
i wonder why i`m even in school. like i struggle to stay up i`m so bored & it`s especially horrible in my science class bc my phone doesn`t get any service. ughh so i was literally going crosseyed bc i was so tired lmfao. every class i`m in, i`m literally on my phone the whole time. except theatre. i`m actually interested in that. hmmm. figures. well i`m sick of writing this long blog now for no reason so wallah! =]
ahhh neo-soul<3 i think i found my niche. OH YEAH before i forgot. . . i just realized my clothing styles really express what kind of music i`m into. lol music really influences my whole personality. i feel extra laid back now since neo-soul is currently my favorite genre & my clothes reflect that . . . & the whole fact of me trying to be more conscious of other things besides myself now.
& a merry christmas to all . . . .
mj - http://www.stickam.com/emjayoath
di - http://www.stickam.com/dtres
en - http://www.stickam.com/natx3
kay will have one oneday! lol
--- EM.
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