Today has really been a sulking day for me. Some days I feel as though I made progress and other days I feel like I'm just stuck in a hole somewhere and today is one of those days. Im highly aggravated with the people in this Squad because I feel like I'm the only one taking it seriously. It makes me wanna quit so bad, just the whole thing because I feel as though I'm not going to get anywhere with all of this. I feel so alone and I need to do sooo much things to improve myself that it's almost stressing at times, but I really wanna do it because I really wanna get better. Yet another half of myself is just telling me to stop and just do something else. I dont know where to go at this point. I want to continue though and I think I will. I just have to keep the will to keep going. If I dont get cooperation from this squad then Im leaving them to be and taking the people who are serious with me. Today is the last note that I will send out to the people who I haven't heard from in a few days. It's just kinda stressing trying to get everyone together.

I think I need to sit down with myself and make a list of everything that I want to achieve and gain some new inspiration for what I'm doing. Something has to bring me out of what I'm feeling right now because I feel so hopeless. Only those who keep fighting will make it and I have to keep fighting, keep writing, keep singing, keep rapping, and keep pulling no matter how bad it gets. I was going to say I pray, but Im going to stop praying and start doing.

- DI

Enough is enough.

Meeting went great although only half of the supposed crew showed up. Im just thinking about everything and how things will go in the future. Im not going to sacrifice myself for other people if things don't shape up real quick. Only a select few in the group seem determined to do shit and Im not down with lazy people who only do shit when they feel like it. Last train to mother fuckin paris and Im dead ass serious on that shit. If you dont catch it...then that shit is just gnna be gone. Im not playin around anymore, people are playin with my future and I dont do that. Right now Im going to go with what we said at the meeting and just record some shit. Probably raps for now since my voice sounds like crap and then once i get some lessons, i'll start singing. Im just not down for all this non response stuff. Mohamed was right, a lot people in Baltimore are just lazy. Im going to work with who I have. No begging people, no praying on my hands and knees. Praying is for suckers, you gotta go out and take what's yours and that's what Im going to do. Time to put this shit in 3rd gear.

There's supposed to be a second meeting tomorrow, but none of the people who were supposed to be meeting tomorrow are even showing any interest and Im not going to waste my time at all. They can do what they do and Im going to do what Im gonna do. That's all I can do and it's all I will do. Last train to paris, lets go. I really appreciate the people who came out today because it shows that they're dedicated and I would love to work with them.

- DI

Hello, welcome to the show :)

that's en's favorite song right there lol.

Im going to just spew out a blog today because I dont want me talking about my music shit to get boring. Today I feel...ugh idk. Like mentally I feel good, but physically I really feel like shit. My heart is feeling some kind of way and it's not in a good way. Maybe it was from not eating regular food all day yesterday. The only real meal I had was some spaghetti at like 3 am because I noticed that I didn't eat any regular food all day. Just some cereal in the morning, some lor debbie (lmao) brownies and a monster. Ugh and I still think I'm awake from that monster...I had to force myself to go to sleep last night because like an idiot I got a big ass monster drink...not the regular one but the other big one with a wrapper around the top. So I was up until about 6 am tossing and turning and I just layed in my bed and just started thinking about shit until I drifted off to sleep.

Now...I really feel like running today, but I can't so fuck it. I just have to meet up with whoever shows up today and then the same goes for tomorrow. I needa get in the shower cause I haven't showered yet lol. I wanna see Morgi3 today! When I woke up I realized how good of a friend she is lmao. Her & En, two of my best friends! I love them to death. It's almost funny how you look back to a time without them and you imagine what you would do without your best friends. Like I guess I was friends with both of them before, but we really started getting tight when we had classes together in my 11th grade year and it's just been like that ever since. IDK. They're just irreplaceable to me! Okay so I need to get in the shower...Im listening to R. Kelly right now too haha.

- DI

Every dayyyy, every nighttt...humpin and bouncin is all i wanna doooo lol. thats em's favorite song right there lol.

Day 6

Just finalizing everything. Figuring out where everyone will be meeting at. Im thinking that tomorrow will be the day, but lets see what everyone says. I was going to go hang out with that one girl tomorrow, but I want to meet up with the squad since I will deem that more important. Girls will come and go, no sense in wasting my time only to get too involved and get another heartbreak. So not worth it so right now I'm saying fuck it, we'll probably stop talking like every other girl but I dont give a fuck. There's so many more important things going on and I dont think a girl is really all that important to my life right now. Actually I KNOW that a girl isn't important to me right now. Ugh lol. Sometimes the opposite sex can be so worthless to you.

Today was a day of contemplation and thinking. I was in class until 1030 and it wasn't all that bad, I made the best of it. Talked to Brown for a lil bit and now I'm here. That reminds me that Im going to her game tomorrow so I have to make a mental note. Hopefully this meeting shouldn't take more than 2 or 3 hours...maybe even less depending on who actually shows up so I'll make it to her game on time. I want to find a song right now because Im feeling some type of way, but idk how Im feeling at this time. It's not sad or heartbroken...it's more like a silent frustration that needs to cool off from being out for so long. I need to do something to relax my mind because my head is hella hot.

That's it. I'll provide another update tomorrow.

- DI

Day 5

Not much progress today. Im waiting for Friday to come so I can establish everything with all of my artists and 1 producer lmao. Im expecting hella people to drop off, that's why I got an abundance of people. But I'll be in it until the end. I spoke to my Father about it as soon as I woke up and he told me that it was best to start off small. Dont buy any equipment until we know exactly what it is we want to do. Have everyone record something, the quality doesnt have to be the best, but as long as their voice is on it then it's fine. Get some beat over it and just start marketing and promoting them all. It's a very simple process.

Once we begin improving our "brand" then we can start buying equipment and the such, but there's no point in buying equipment now if we dont even know whos good @ what and ect. We all need to just sit down and figure out what we're going to do. Maybe invite them all out to eat some place cheap where everyone can pitch in and we can just discuss our plans, what we're good/bad at, introduce ourselves, and other things that may be needed. I think everything will be fine, Im going to remain optimistic because I know everything that's happening right now is possible and Im going to keep reaching for the stars. However, I heard about Icarus from Greek Mythology. If you dont know who he is then I will explain.

He had wings that were made of wax and he tried to fly so high to escape Crete because he was a prisoner there. He flew so close to the sun that it melted his wings and he fell to his death.

I know lmao, what a stupid story. However, the basis of the story is to those who overachieve. You reach too high for the stars and it'll end up hurting you more than helping you...I hope that Im not overachieving. But fuck it, I'd rather overachieve then underachieve and never know what it feels like reaching the stars. I think Icarus should have knew where his limits were. I know where my limits are at this moment and I wont go so high as to burn my wings off.

- DI

Day 4

Yep, today is day 4. Things have calmed down a bit, the buzz is out and everyone is hearing about it. I've specifically stated that i am not looking for anymore singers as I have too many already. Yet, Im still on the active hunt for producers & songwriters...more so producers because anyone can learn how to write a decent song plus most of my singers are or aspire to be songwriters so we'll have to see all of that. Plus Im a songwriter soooo yeah. A good thing that was mentioned to me today was about getting everyone in one place. Viridian actually gave me some useful information...

I dont have to bring everyone together, I just need the people who are required for that day and thats it. That is a very brilliant idea because everyone isn't going to be doing something everyday and therefore I wont need everyone everyday so hopefully that will eliminate how many people I will have to fit someplace when we begin recording our songs. Gosh I feel like a CEO or something when I should really be just focusing on songwriting and my own career lol. Oh well, where ever this path takes me as long as it's in music I'm completely fine with that. While I take this time to write for people I will be focusing on my solo career, building my voice and all such things that come into that. My goal is still 23-25. I dont want to start throwing myself out there too early because I dont want to get bored or on the other hand be too old to be marketable.

ALSO, I spoke to Mohamed today about him producing and although he said he was too busy, he gave me a reference...Im not sure if I'll use him but it's whatever...it doesnt hurt to ask. He didnt give me a way to contact though so I'll have to get that. But he did mention something to me that I forgot...people in Baltimore are lazy and sly && I agree on that. You dont find much talent here, and if you do they become really lazy for no reason at all. I need some real go-getters. If this whole team fails then I will have come out with more knowledge than I had going in and I think that I will have no choice, but to focus on my solo career. Im still trying to get Clear on this squad, I dont think he'll do it, but I think it's worth a try lol.

- DI

This is day 3 i think. Im starting to grab the interest of more & more people each day. Im approaching more people and this dream seems to be turning into a reality. the only hard part that i am going to run into is finding producers. I already got Marco, but he's in NJ, however he can still send us track & such...but I dont want to rely on one producer because he wont be able to meet demand. I at least want 3 solid producers.

For the time being I will be looking for:

1. Producers
2. Writers

and thats it. I can't wait to get this thing started...I just have to keep everyone excited and into it. Im also still looking for someone who will host us all at their house lol. I know my parents are already going to say no, plus I dont have anywhere to record at my house because my Father isn't going to let us use his studio. I already know that for one. I SHOULD be studying for my mid-term for speech tomorrow, but this feels like it's so much more important! Im going to look over the powerpoints that I got before I go to sleep and when I wake up I'll look over them again. Ugh school is becoming such a burden on my life, but Im going to keep at it. I just pray that I can get this team together. If not...then it's back to being Solo Dolo!

- DI

...Okay so this whole team thing isn't as hard as it seems for right now. Im really making progress on getting people on board. Im very content with the females and now it's time to move onto the males. I think Im going to have to hunt the males down because they're much more shy about their musical careers than the females are. I already have a few people who I think are interested in music so Im going to go to them and see what they say. Im already thinking ahead and just think about transportation...where are we going to do all of this at? I hope that someone lets us host all of this shit because without a place to go would be basically useless. I was talking to my Father about my music career and he said I need a new circle of people and that's also what I want this group to be. I want to create new friendships and bonds with people. Like the feeling of making progress really excites me and the fact that Im really like the sole originator makes me feel good because if this really turns off to become a success I'll feel really good for doing all of this. I know that it wont be a complete waste. God, I pray that this all works out...I just have to be persistent and committed to my idea.

As time goes on I'll begin thinking of other things. As of right now Im creating a list of who I think would be a good addition to the crew and who's going to host our crew. Like man...lol. I wonder how many people this group is going to start off at and how many it's going to end at.

- DI

I need to put a team together. A team of people who have many different talents, okay Im a writer...and an abysmal singer at best (for the moment lol) but I really need to get a team together because I can't do all this myself. Plus a good team of people with a common goal always works. If youre reading this and you have a profound interest in music and you think you can contribute something then hit me up i guess lol. But anyway...Im just searching for people to get together with, I've found one person that's interested in collabing. A singer (female) actually, I would like to find a male singer because I can't sub as a singer for right now cause my voice is just wack lol. Give me like another year to strengthen my diaphragm and work on my tone, ect and I'll be good. Im a writer, && I have a female singer. All I need is...

• Writers
• Rappers
  
• Male singers
• Producers

these people dont have to be the best, but as long as they have a strong aspiration for what they want to do then that's all I need. Improvement comes with hard work so that's not an issue with me.

- DI

Boy oh boy oh boy. Maybe Im regretting my decision of telling Morgi3 to do what she did lol. IDK, but girls are just so complicated. This isn't a blog to like downplay women because Im really soo over that, it's not even significant to my life anymore lol. I could really give a rats ass lol. But yeah...I don't really get what runs through peoples mind sometimes. I mean idk...heartbreak is really a hard thing to get over. Like I've only had one heartbreak so far and it still sits with me because there's no closure on my part and I still feel like there are things that need to be said. Not a day passes that it goes through my mind...and even though I've moved on, Im still not over it. I doubt I'll ever be over it though because it was sensitive to me. I didn't cry or anything, but damn I can't say that it didnt impact me emotionally.

Girls are girls && guys are guys. We drive each other crazy, but at the end of the day we can't live without each other. That's how the world works, and that's how it'll remain as long as we live. No matter if the end of the world comes, love will be priceless. The relationship and the feelings that another girl gives me is just so natural that it makes me high. Saying that I really like someone makes me high, and when something seems to happen (naturally begin to decline) it really fucks my world up. IDK man, relationships are so complicated and as much as I want to stay out of one...my emotions compel me to get into one. When I look back on my "relationship" with DP I saw that at the end I really denied having feelings for her and that's what really tore me apart on the inside, but once i really accepted that I do have feelings for her and that she was gone was when I could really continue my life.

- DI