*cough cough*

it`s 3:30. i can`t sleep. idky. i`ve been trying to sleep since about 12:30 am. i tried everything. idk what the fudge is going on. i`m trying to think of a topic i would like to talk about but idk. maybe something is weighing heavily on my mind because i can always sleep. hopefully my mind can guide me about what needs to be talked about.


i had an interesting talk with Brenton today. i like talking with him because (sometimes) he seems so wise. lol. i don`t want to go into the semantics of what was said, but he was right about it & it bothers me. sigh. but oh well, such is life.

idk. i feel very scatterbrained....& not at ease. i was shaking a little bit. but i`m sooo tired i just want to go to sleep. maybe i should just take nyquil but this is ridiculous. i`m hungrrry..... =/

edit:

i need to get involved in something bc my grades are truly nonexistent. i have a d or f in all of my classes. i never let it get like this before. i can`t afford for my grades to be like this so im dropping some classes. i need to get involved in an extracurricular activity bc usually when i`m doing something, my mind is more focused on the bigger picture. well idk, i heard stuff like this happens when your homesick but i truly don`t want to be in school. there are so many options but i just don`t think i`m ready to be in school fulltime because i can`t deal with it. i just want to drop out. actually a girl in my dorm dropped out of college completely. it just isn`t for everyone. i hate this so much. idk why i can`t do work. am i that lazy? maybe i should just go to community college first bc this 4-year university isn`t working out. i stay up really late like 4:30. i am currently trying to change that. i think i`m killing myself bc i barely get any sleep. this is probably why i`m sick. i have time management problems & i`m a lazy fuck. not guaranteed for success. i honestly don`t think i`m ready for college & I need to live my life somewhat before i can take this seriously. I`m not mature enough to deal with the responsibilities... not mature enough to take school seriously. i am just so sick of school. Maybe if i took time off i could become more focused. but i don`t have a plan. i just don`t know what i want to do...besides possibly doing music. i just don`t know what i want to do. i just don`t want to work for it. i really don`t. idk how i can pick up the desire to do what i`m suppose to be doing. i`m so lost i don`t see a point i just don`t know what to do. what do you think Di & En?