Today has really been a sulking day for me. Some days I feel as though I made progress and other days I feel like I'm just stuck in a hole somewhere and today is one of those days. Im highly aggravated with the people in this Squad because I feel like I'm the only one taking it seriously. It makes me wanna quit so bad, just the whole thing because I feel as though I'm not going to get anywhere with all of this. I feel so alone and I need to do sooo much things to improve myself that it's almost stressing at times, but I really wanna do it because I really wanna get better. Yet another half of myself is just telling me to stop and just do something else. I dont know where to go at this point. I want to continue though and I think I will. I just have to keep the will to keep going. If I dont get cooperation from this squad then Im leaving them to be and taking the people who are serious with me. Today is the last note that I will send out to the people who I haven't heard from in a few days. It's just kinda stressing trying to get everyone together.

I think I need to sit down with myself and make a list of everything that I want to achieve and gain some new inspiration for what I'm doing. Something has to bring me out of what I'm feeling right now because I feel so hopeless. Only those who keep fighting will make it and I have to keep fighting, keep writing, keep singing, keep rapping, and keep pulling no matter how bad it gets. I was going to say I pray, but Im going to stop praying and start doing.

- DI

Enough is enough.

Meeting went great although only half of the supposed crew showed up. Im just thinking about everything and how things will go in the future. Im not going to sacrifice myself for other people if things don't shape up real quick. Only a select few in the group seem determined to do shit and Im not down with lazy people who only do shit when they feel like it. Last train to mother fuckin paris and Im dead ass serious on that shit. If you dont catch it...then that shit is just gnna be gone. Im not playin around anymore, people are playin with my future and I dont do that. Right now Im going to go with what we said at the meeting and just record some shit. Probably raps for now since my voice sounds like crap and then once i get some lessons, i'll start singing. Im just not down for all this non response stuff. Mohamed was right, a lot people in Baltimore are just lazy. Im going to work with who I have. No begging people, no praying on my hands and knees. Praying is for suckers, you gotta go out and take what's yours and that's what Im going to do. Time to put this shit in 3rd gear.

There's supposed to be a second meeting tomorrow, but none of the people who were supposed to be meeting tomorrow are even showing any interest and Im not going to waste my time at all. They can do what they do and Im going to do what Im gonna do. That's all I can do and it's all I will do. Last train to paris, lets go. I really appreciate the people who came out today because it shows that they're dedicated and I would love to work with them.

- DI

Hello, welcome to the show :)

that's en's favorite song right there lol.

Im going to just spew out a blog today because I dont want me talking about my music shit to get boring. Today I feel...ugh idk. Like mentally I feel good, but physically I really feel like shit. My heart is feeling some kind of way and it's not in a good way. Maybe it was from not eating regular food all day yesterday. The only real meal I had was some spaghetti at like 3 am because I noticed that I didn't eat any regular food all day. Just some cereal in the morning, some lor debbie (lmao) brownies and a monster. Ugh and I still think I'm awake from that monster...I had to force myself to go to sleep last night because like an idiot I got a big ass monster drink...not the regular one but the other big one with a wrapper around the top. So I was up until about 6 am tossing and turning and I just layed in my bed and just started thinking about shit until I drifted off to sleep.

Now...I really feel like running today, but I can't so fuck it. I just have to meet up with whoever shows up today and then the same goes for tomorrow. I needa get in the shower cause I haven't showered yet lol. I wanna see Morgi3 today! When I woke up I realized how good of a friend she is lmao. Her & En, two of my best friends! I love them to death. It's almost funny how you look back to a time without them and you imagine what you would do without your best friends. Like I guess I was friends with both of them before, but we really started getting tight when we had classes together in my 11th grade year and it's just been like that ever since. IDK. They're just irreplaceable to me! Okay so I need to get in the shower...Im listening to R. Kelly right now too haha.

- DI

Every dayyyy, every nighttt...humpin and bouncin is all i wanna doooo lol. thats em's favorite song right there lol.

Day 6

Just finalizing everything. Figuring out where everyone will be meeting at. Im thinking that tomorrow will be the day, but lets see what everyone says. I was going to go hang out with that one girl tomorrow, but I want to meet up with the squad since I will deem that more important. Girls will come and go, no sense in wasting my time only to get too involved and get another heartbreak. So not worth it so right now I'm saying fuck it, we'll probably stop talking like every other girl but I dont give a fuck. There's so many more important things going on and I dont think a girl is really all that important to my life right now. Actually I KNOW that a girl isn't important to me right now. Ugh lol. Sometimes the opposite sex can be so worthless to you.

Today was a day of contemplation and thinking. I was in class until 1030 and it wasn't all that bad, I made the best of it. Talked to Brown for a lil bit and now I'm here. That reminds me that Im going to her game tomorrow so I have to make a mental note. Hopefully this meeting shouldn't take more than 2 or 3 hours...maybe even less depending on who actually shows up so I'll make it to her game on time. I want to find a song right now because Im feeling some type of way, but idk how Im feeling at this time. It's not sad or heartbroken...it's more like a silent frustration that needs to cool off from being out for so long. I need to do something to relax my mind because my head is hella hot.

That's it. I'll provide another update tomorrow.

- DI

Day 5

Not much progress today. Im waiting for Friday to come so I can establish everything with all of my artists and 1 producer lmao. Im expecting hella people to drop off, that's why I got an abundance of people. But I'll be in it until the end. I spoke to my Father about it as soon as I woke up and he told me that it was best to start off small. Dont buy any equipment until we know exactly what it is we want to do. Have everyone record something, the quality doesnt have to be the best, but as long as their voice is on it then it's fine. Get some beat over it and just start marketing and promoting them all. It's a very simple process.

Once we begin improving our "brand" then we can start buying equipment and the such, but there's no point in buying equipment now if we dont even know whos good @ what and ect. We all need to just sit down and figure out what we're going to do. Maybe invite them all out to eat some place cheap where everyone can pitch in and we can just discuss our plans, what we're good/bad at, introduce ourselves, and other things that may be needed. I think everything will be fine, Im going to remain optimistic because I know everything that's happening right now is possible and Im going to keep reaching for the stars. However, I heard about Icarus from Greek Mythology. If you dont know who he is then I will explain.

He had wings that were made of wax and he tried to fly so high to escape Crete because he was a prisoner there. He flew so close to the sun that it melted his wings and he fell to his death.

I know lmao, what a stupid story. However, the basis of the story is to those who overachieve. You reach too high for the stars and it'll end up hurting you more than helping you...I hope that Im not overachieving. But fuck it, I'd rather overachieve then underachieve and never know what it feels like reaching the stars. I think Icarus should have knew where his limits were. I know where my limits are at this moment and I wont go so high as to burn my wings off.

- DI

Day 4

Yep, today is day 4. Things have calmed down a bit, the buzz is out and everyone is hearing about it. I've specifically stated that i am not looking for anymore singers as I have too many already. Yet, Im still on the active hunt for producers & songwriters...more so producers because anyone can learn how to write a decent song plus most of my singers are or aspire to be songwriters so we'll have to see all of that. Plus Im a songwriter soooo yeah. A good thing that was mentioned to me today was about getting everyone in one place. Viridian actually gave me some useful information...

I dont have to bring everyone together, I just need the people who are required for that day and thats it. That is a very brilliant idea because everyone isn't going to be doing something everyday and therefore I wont need everyone everyday so hopefully that will eliminate how many people I will have to fit someplace when we begin recording our songs. Gosh I feel like a CEO or something when I should really be just focusing on songwriting and my own career lol. Oh well, where ever this path takes me as long as it's in music I'm completely fine with that. While I take this time to write for people I will be focusing on my solo career, building my voice and all such things that come into that. My goal is still 23-25. I dont want to start throwing myself out there too early because I dont want to get bored or on the other hand be too old to be marketable.

ALSO, I spoke to Mohamed today about him producing and although he said he was too busy, he gave me a reference...Im not sure if I'll use him but it's whatever...it doesnt hurt to ask. He didnt give me a way to contact though so I'll have to get that. But he did mention something to me that I forgot...people in Baltimore are lazy and sly && I agree on that. You dont find much talent here, and if you do they become really lazy for no reason at all. I need some real go-getters. If this whole team fails then I will have come out with more knowledge than I had going in and I think that I will have no choice, but to focus on my solo career. Im still trying to get Clear on this squad, I dont think he'll do it, but I think it's worth a try lol.

- DI

This is day 3 i think. Im starting to grab the interest of more & more people each day. Im approaching more people and this dream seems to be turning into a reality. the only hard part that i am going to run into is finding producers. I already got Marco, but he's in NJ, however he can still send us track & such...but I dont want to rely on one producer because he wont be able to meet demand. I at least want 3 solid producers.

For the time being I will be looking for:

1. Producers
2. Writers

and thats it. I can't wait to get this thing started...I just have to keep everyone excited and into it. Im also still looking for someone who will host us all at their house lol. I know my parents are already going to say no, plus I dont have anywhere to record at my house because my Father isn't going to let us use his studio. I already know that for one. I SHOULD be studying for my mid-term for speech tomorrow, but this feels like it's so much more important! Im going to look over the powerpoints that I got before I go to sleep and when I wake up I'll look over them again. Ugh school is becoming such a burden on my life, but Im going to keep at it. I just pray that I can get this team together. If not...then it's back to being Solo Dolo!

- DI

...Okay so this whole team thing isn't as hard as it seems for right now. Im really making progress on getting people on board. Im very content with the females and now it's time to move onto the males. I think Im going to have to hunt the males down because they're much more shy about their musical careers than the females are. I already have a few people who I think are interested in music so Im going to go to them and see what they say. Im already thinking ahead and just think about transportation...where are we going to do all of this at? I hope that someone lets us host all of this shit because without a place to go would be basically useless. I was talking to my Father about my music career and he said I need a new circle of people and that's also what I want this group to be. I want to create new friendships and bonds with people. Like the feeling of making progress really excites me and the fact that Im really like the sole originator makes me feel good because if this really turns off to become a success I'll feel really good for doing all of this. I know that it wont be a complete waste. God, I pray that this all works out...I just have to be persistent and committed to my idea.

As time goes on I'll begin thinking of other things. As of right now Im creating a list of who I think would be a good addition to the crew and who's going to host our crew. Like man...lol. I wonder how many people this group is going to start off at and how many it's going to end at.

- DI

I need to put a team together. A team of people who have many different talents, okay Im a writer...and an abysmal singer at best (for the moment lol) but I really need to get a team together because I can't do all this myself. Plus a good team of people with a common goal always works. If youre reading this and you have a profound interest in music and you think you can contribute something then hit me up i guess lol. But anyway...Im just searching for people to get together with, I've found one person that's interested in collabing. A singer (female) actually, I would like to find a male singer because I can't sub as a singer for right now cause my voice is just wack lol. Give me like another year to strengthen my diaphragm and work on my tone, ect and I'll be good. Im a writer, && I have a female singer. All I need is...

• Writers
• Rappers
  
• Male singers
• Producers

these people dont have to be the best, but as long as they have a strong aspiration for what they want to do then that's all I need. Improvement comes with hard work so that's not an issue with me.

- DI

Boy oh boy oh boy. Maybe Im regretting my decision of telling Morgi3 to do what she did lol. IDK, but girls are just so complicated. This isn't a blog to like downplay women because Im really soo over that, it's not even significant to my life anymore lol. I could really give a rats ass lol. But yeah...I don't really get what runs through peoples mind sometimes. I mean idk...heartbreak is really a hard thing to get over. Like I've only had one heartbreak so far and it still sits with me because there's no closure on my part and I still feel like there are things that need to be said. Not a day passes that it goes through my mind...and even though I've moved on, Im still not over it. I doubt I'll ever be over it though because it was sensitive to me. I didn't cry or anything, but damn I can't say that it didnt impact me emotionally.

Girls are girls && guys are guys. We drive each other crazy, but at the end of the day we can't live without each other. That's how the world works, and that's how it'll remain as long as we live. No matter if the end of the world comes, love will be priceless. The relationship and the feelings that another girl gives me is just so natural that it makes me high. Saying that I really like someone makes me high, and when something seems to happen (naturally begin to decline) it really fucks my world up. IDK man, relationships are so complicated and as much as I want to stay out of one...my emotions compel me to get into one. When I look back on my "relationship" with DP I saw that at the end I really denied having feelings for her and that's what really tore me apart on the inside, but once i really accepted that I do have feelings for her and that she was gone was when I could really continue my life.

- DI

Yeah! Mic came today so it's time to get this shit on the ball. Im having fun hearing my voice in melodic patterns because it's weird lol. I think it sounds bad because Im not used to hearing it over speakers, haha it sounds so weird, but I know it's just me being awkward. I never really liked my voice because I thought it always sounded so weird and monotone, but thats just me in my comfort zone. You just gotta work with what you've got, so many voices out here so you just have to create your own. Ahhh so it's time now, raps & songs...lets gooo. I think imma write a rap first and just throw it on a beat just to stay in my comfort zone and I'll see how it goes from there. Bwhahahahahahaha niggas!

Yeah Imma start tomorrow cause I dont feel like doing it tonight although I AM excited.

- DI

Taking the car to emissions today, lets hope I pass this time. Plus it's late so I have to pay a fee which thank god my Father will be paying me back (he better cause imma be on his ass about it). Just got paid and I feel real good cause I get to spend some $$ on some shit that Ive been wanting. I will be saving my hard earned money to go visit En with Em though so I have to set some aside. What I want just costs 40 bucks so that's the only materialistic thing that Im spending money on today. Anything else (gas, food, ect) hopefully doesnt take up the rest of the money that I have so I can save it up. I should just go to Shoppers one of these days and buy some food that'll last me until the next paycheck because I dont want to spend all this money on some damn fast food. It's expensive and hella unhealthy so I shouldnt be eating it everyday lol, but it's good and it hits the spot so thats why I get it. Yeah, but I think Im going to begin save up my money...even if it's just a little bit each month i need to make it a habit and stop spending it on materialistic things unless it's for music because Im making an investment that will come back to me (with hard work) in the long run. For example, my mic. Im really excited for it to come in because that means I can start recordddinnggggggg. I know ive been teasing yall for quite some time now about recording my shit but give me maybe a week or so to just get everything together. It's not a nightly process so you just gotta cut me some slack lol. It takes artists years to record an album so imagine how many days are spent recording, writing, and mixing the music.

Im going to stop putting dates && times that Im going to be doing things on my blog posts because I dont want to end up like one of these people I hear about being killed by their cyber stalkers and what not. It opens up a real vulnerability because you never know whos reading your shit and it could be some crazy obsessive person that you would have never thought until the moment they shoot you with a shotgun like what happened to that one girl. Im not tryna end up like that, I have some crazy ass ambitions and aspirations that I want to see fulfilled. Maybe once I fulfill those then you can shoot me with a shotgun, but not now. lol. Im not really afraid of being attacked or w.e but I'd rather take the necessary precautions so that I dont put my life in danger. Im not afraid of my life being taken, Im just afraid of what I wont be able to accomplish.

DI Here.

I want to begin posting on the EMKAYDIEN blog a bit more often because my entries on my Sexx Never Lies blog are just really irrelevant to the blog. I like to talk about very sensitive and personal things that are important to me on that blog and lately I havent been feeling that way so I'm moving onto the EMKAYDIEN blog. Not to say that this blog is insignificant, but the fact that it's a group blog allows me to have more free reign on what I want to talk about. My solo blog is very personal and I want it to remain that way. Hopefully Em && En will jump on the bandwagon as I continue my blogging here. A change that I am suggesting is: no taking turns blogging because we'll be waiting forever to get our turn again, if this is a blog we all should have the right to blog whenever and however we want to.

And now comes to my blogging point. I've been waiting for my mic for a day now, I tracked it online and it said that it was in Laurel @ 1 this morning. However, I think the mail came in and it wasn't with the mail. I hope I dont have to wait until tomorrow when my mic is sitting about an hour && a half away from me lol. Yet, Im in denial that the mail came today because there were only two things in there: an advertisement for some pizza place, and a letter from my brother's school. Maybe someone forgot to take them out with the rest of the mail yesterday. Also that isn't adequate mail for a Wednesday...maybe it would be for a Saturday, but not for a weekday. It's still about 12 o clock so Im going to wait until about 1 or wait a half hour before I go check it again. If no more mail is entered in the box by 1 o clock then Im going to stop checking it and just have to wait until tomorrow. Im going to be out pretty much all day tomorrow at class so that'll be a day wasted cause I wanna start recording some stuff ASAP. The next chance I'll get to have a day to myself is Friday so I'll start some major recording then. :)

Ugh...I do think the mail already came today so I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow when I get a break between my Speech && Math classes to start recording. What a bummer lol. Knowing that my mic is in Laurel is what kills me though, it only takes an hour to get here from Laurel so what's the problem? lol. Oh well, enough of that and to the next topic. Im wearing skinnys today because I felt like dressing good, I gave myself a shape up and I'm wearing one of my favorite outfits so I feel kinda good today. It feels awkward now because I havent put much thought into my outfits lately and I kinda feel like I'm overdressing compared to what Im used to wearing, but im going to ignore what my mind is trying to establish as a comfort zone and just do what I feel. I havent dressed like this in a while, but I want to start dressing more like I give a damn about what I look like again. I liked my style in my Senior yr of HS. I felt fly, but chillzlol (yes chillzlol lol) at the same time because I was at a comfort zone with myself and I didnt give a damn about the people around me. I like being different and feeling different, though thank god it doesnt take much for me to feel that way because Im just a crazy ass nigga and my brain seems to operate differently than most people so I can naturally just think of some different shit off the bat. This will conclude my blogging for the time being. Cya.

- DI.

insight.

i get so nervous sometimes i can feel it all over my body. i cant think about it so i bury myself in others things to not feel my pain. the pain. oh god, how do i describe this pain i constantly feel? it brings tears to my eyes. i can`t sleep at night sometimes. i have dreams. this depression. i have been speaking of for months, but i conceal it with other things. i live through people, books, my computer, ANYTHING to stop me from being alone with these bad thoughts. the only happiness i find is when i completely forget who i am. complete happiness doesn`t happen when i`m with my friends, because i`m still who i am. it feels forced. faking like i`m happy. i force myself to talk to them, never really enjoying all of their jokes or easygoing nature, because i`m not happy. sometimes there are happy moments, but there`s a piece of me that can`t enjoy it. sometimes, i think death would be welcoming to me, but other times i am completely scared & repulsed by the idea. sometimes death seems to be the only way to do away with these thoughts. scary isn`t it? thought i was over this pain? my heart aches in so many different ways from so many different things, how can i move on? how can someone be happy with the stress, all these thoughts? i just don`t get how i`m suppose to move on. i`m different from most people too, that`s always hard. i feel trapped. in more ways than one. the STRESS depresses me. i cry when i listen to music not just because i feel what they`re saying but because at that moment i`m feeling everything i felt over the months & that is a way of it to be forced out. i don`t want to feel. i hate feeling. i hate emotions. i hate all signs of weaknesses. i can`t have a moment where i slip up. being around people, it`s this constant reminder that i am not happy. that`s why i prefer to do things alone & prefer to be left alone because i can`t truly relinquish in their delights. i do away with these emotions before i revel in them & show everyone my weakness. i fall. fall into music: maxwell, it was michael. books, which was my escape during middle school. dancing. an outlet for all of these frustrations & building unhappiness & anger. what am i suppose to do? everything just adds on to it. it all adds on to HOW i am. & how unhappy i am with HOW i am & how i can never be satisfied with anything. the building obsessions, the materialistic dreams, shit don`t even matter because at the end of the day, i`m not happy with what`s inside or what`s happened. & the worse part is that i have accepted a long time ago that this is just the way things are.


- EM.

...i love you too Nat <3 no homo.

- DI

i guess i love 'em?

...bitch! bout time you blogged man lol. wtf yo. take ya bitch ass to the trailer park ho.

- DI

kay went sk8tin

hey all u niggaz n bitches lol. uh this is kayz 1st entry 2 tis madness. i went down to charmcity sk8park with em and my body is in sooo much pain, i gotta open scar on my back and a swollen knee. my cloths were soaked with sweat n ball juice. now im goin n2 my las year of high skool n gonna FUCK SHIT UP!!!! BYE NIGGA!!!!

: ]]]

YAYAYAYAYAYA! ya'll blogged.

but wtf, ya'll niggas tlking about the iphone like i'm fuckin with AT&T and shit.

smmfh.

but atleast you guys are attempting.

i want EMKAYDIEN back,

i'm homesick. hmph.

Yeah I've been thinking the same thing Em has been thinking about. I know that eventually my Father is going to have to stop paying for my phone bill in the next 2 years and I'll have to pay my own. If that was the case then I would want to get a cheap service, but with something good and if anything I think I would probably get TMobile and get a Sidekick because Morgi3 kinda influenced me to get it and I've always been a bit curious to see what a Sidekick was like. Morgi3 told me that their service is shitty, but IDGAF I would just want to txt since thats what I do all the time. The iPhone is a very good phone with a lot of possibilities...I just don't use it to its full capability. All these apps available for it and I only use Bank of America. I dont like the social networking apps (MySpace & FaceBook) because I'd rather check them online since you cant really access everything that you would want to.

The texting on the iPhone is great...I only make minor mistakes when texting, like accidentally pressing one letter when I meant to press another. It gets annoying and most of the time I end up sending the txt with the error anyway because the person will know what I meant lol. the iphone is one of the best touch screen phones available and I could argue that it's one of the best phones out on the market, but its just not for me. I dont like to play around with my phone a lot and show it off and blah blah. I just like to text and thats it and get some minutes so that I can only make NECESSARY calls and thats why I just want a cheap service with a phone like the Sidekick so I can text like crazy. Plus I dont like having my iphone in my pocket because I'm always thinking Im going to fuck the screen up (thank god for screen protectors). Also the switching between apps takes a few seconds and the errors that you make on a touch screen can sometimes be irreversible or a bitch to reverse and I dont like that. ALSO sometimes when you press something it takes a second to register or it doesnt register at all and that kinda makes me aggravated. Another thing is that the texting can be annoying when youre laying on your side because it tends to switch between diff screens. either it's the regular screen or it flips into the landscape. I would use the landscape mode all the time if you have a choice to just pick which mode you wanted it to stay on and lock it, but most of the time i use the portrait because it's the one that comes up for default whether youre lying on your side or w.e. It takes like 5 seconds to switch to landscape and it's hella annoying when you dont want it to switch and it switches or if you want it to switch and it doesn't switch.

I just want a phone thats seemless and has the basic necessities that I need. I dont need all this extra shit. I dont play games on my phone because I know theyll waste battery and that goes the same for apps which is why I dont use them that often and I hate when ppl do it because it's wasting my battery. Like you could use up ALL of your battery in like 3 hours if you just constantly play games on it and thats not what I have a phone for. If I wanted to play games I would play my PS3 or something. ALSO! AT&T doesnt have MMS! Like wtf lol...how can you charge so much and not have MMS. Like wtf lol. Well I guess you get what you pay for because the iphone is an awesome phone and it shouldnt go for butt ass cheap. So Im going to list the pros and cons of having an iphone, starting with the pros.

PROS

- Visual Voicemail.
- Can be jailbroken to get apps for free
- Good service, barely drop calls.
- Best touch screen up to date.
- Interesting apps and games.
- Very good multi media phone. Everything in the palm of your hand.
- Texting layout is nice.
- has an ipod
- Takes very clear photos.

CONS

- touchscreen, bound to make errors.
- Sometimes the wifi or the 3g/E fucks up.
- Isn't very good for streaming videos, ect outside of wifi zones.
- Difficult to take self photos because the push button is on the bottom center of the screen.
- Pay out the ass for the phone.

Thats all I can think of right now cause Im tired lol. But yeah I think in the following years once I start paying my own Im going to get a good phone for texting and thats about it. Tmobile here I come! lmao.

- DI

phones, phones, phones, & more phones.

i`m going back & forth between the idea of giving up my iPhone for a Sidekick. i know, i know why the hell would i do that right? but i get bored with my phones real fast. i can never keep one for a long enough time. i miss my sidekick. i love my iPhone & all, but the sidekick is so simple, plain in what i want. a full 5 row qwerty keyboard with aim & full html browsing (even though it`s lacking in some areas), & email. that`s essentially what i want. the iPhone is great. it has so many wonderful apps & the like, but i think the smartest thing for me would be to get an iTouch (blech) & sell my iPhone & get a sidekick. sounds fun right? =/ it`s to the point where i don`t even think i would miss my iPhone. i like to lay in bed & talk on aim for hours. the iPhone makes that kind of hard. i can`t STAND virtual qwerty & on aim, it has this fucking 5 second delay & shit, SO IRRITATING. it is the most annoying thing on the planet to me. also, texting on an iPhone is subpar to me. i can`t stand it. so i have a tough decision to make. i`ve already left at&t high price, robbing ass, so the next step would be for me to get a sidekick. :) i really miss my sidekick :( i don`t know what`s keeping me glued to this phone, but i`m bored & yearning for a Sidekick. pretty sure i`m gonna try to have the best of both worlds & get a prepaid sidekick. :)

EDIT: i DID not mean to post this on here, but on my regular blog, but since it`s on here, oh well.


- EM.

LMFAO! I fuckin hate your dusty ass.

idw be the only one blogging!!!

it is called EMKAYDIEN!.

hmph. ;p

F U Ho. How about you blog?

these niggas need to hop their ass on this fuckin blog!

SHIT.

...i mean like i'll blog and everything if you guys decide to blog again because I do want to blog, but I just feel as though my real thoughts should be kept in my head for right now.

- DI

i agree again. lol

i'm kinda in a blog funk myself as ya'll know already.

so yeah, whenever we ALL decide to jump back in i'm down.

whoo.

-EN

...lol well it's just whatever for me. I'm ready whenever you guys are. I'm just trying to focus on things that are a bit more important if you get what I mean. Not to diss MKDN or anything lol.

EDIT: I read over what I just said and something else just popped up in my head. I think that whenever we all feel comfortable and ready to start the MKDN blog up again then that's when we should do it. Don't feel pressured to do it again out of boredom if you know that you aren't ready for it or if one of us isn't completely because we'll just end up splitting again. I know that I'm really not in the mood to blog as I don't have much that I would like to share with the public...like a lot is going on in my head, but Im not really willing to share it with everyone just yet.

- DI

yes! i agree.

imma TRY to post on here more often when i get into my blogging mood,

cause i kinda miss it.

-EN

it feels really weird for me to be posting on here. i just went back & watched some of the things on here that i`ve posted & everything just seemed SOOOOOOO IRRELEVANT! every problem that i have seems to be irrelevant now. yuck i really hate watching the old vlogs of myself. it makes me feel VERY uncomfortable. ehh. =/

i think this blog will be more of a thing when we once we`re back in the mix of school & THANGS.

- EM.

Uhhh, then blog and stop being a pansy lol.

- DI

lol,that is inapporpriate.

*cuts off big toe*

mwuahaha.

-en

p.s these are so not blogs.

*humps en*

- DI

*nods head*

uh huh...

i agree.

-en.

yeah i miss it too, we should start it back up again...well at least start blogging here again.

- DI

heyy, i wanna say something.

hi!

lol

i miss emkaydien. :/

-en. :]

Erm...well we can start it back up if you'd like.

- DI

so, like. there hasn`t been any blogs on here?

we`ve like totally abandoned the EMKAYDIEN blog.

feels weird writing on here . . .

hmmmmmm.

- EM.

ATTENCION.

-ATTENTION! -

2/4 of EMKAYDIEN have voted to change the format of this blog. Kay`s vote is null because he doesn`t post on here anyways & i`m sure Di will agree. All 3 of us are very bored with this blog. We post about our lives on our personal blogs anyways, so what`s this one for? Right now, me personally, i am feeling like an individual & i need my space, so i`m opting for my blog over this one. all of us need a change & purpose. if you are still interested in any of our lives & just need your "fix" just visit & follow our personal blogs:

Em`s blog

Kay's blog (which is null)

Di`s blog

En's blog

we will now be posting topics as a group. either we pick one or you guys can pick one & we will elaborate & try to make this blog as popular & interesting as possible & possibly add a review of something we like. a lot of people read this blog anyways, & we just want to say THANK YOU. we were one of the first in our circle to come up with the idea of a group blog (thanks to Di). in the next coming of days, we will be changing this layout (finally) & adding extra stuff. OUR BLOG, will now have a purpose. 

any ideas make out your emails to emkaydien@live.com.

Thank You.

-EMKAYDIEN.

102 - continued

I blogged the first half of this on my Sexxneverlies blog so if you want to read the rest then go there. www.sexxneverlies.blogspot.com

now just to recap on what I was talking about for those who are lost...

I always have to have some type of control over a situation because I want to manipulate things in my favor, however today just seems so out of place. Bad signs:

1. Rain
2. Work
3. Work
4. Work
5. No money
6. Work

lmao. I found that to be pretty funny. But days where it rains sorta brings my morale down as I'm sure it does for a lot of people. I think Im just going to continue this on EMKAYDIEN because it's my turn to post so follow meee!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Alrighty so I'm bacckkkk and now lets continue! The day so far has been shitty and the bad thing is that I just woke up lmfao. I have no idea what the day has in store for me so its just kinda like...blah. Hopefully it'll be something good because I dont want to sit in the house alone on a Saturday...thats very deadly and boring! Hmmnn alright so next! Ugh this damn italics thing is fucking up so I have to keep highlighting and pressing the i button because it wont go away...it's kind of aggravating me at the moment but imma just have to finish this and highlight everything then press the i. fucker lol.

TOMORROW.
The fam comes home from Ocean City...I'm not looking forward to that because it's actually peaceful for once lol. I can just do whatever the hell I want haha. It's also the last day of spring break to me because Monday will be full of finishing up hw and dreading the fact that we have to go back to school. Well at least we only have a few weeks left lol. The stupid cap and gown place didnt take out the money for my cap & gown yet so I'm just tryna keep my balance above 40 until they do haha. Tomorrow holds a lot of possibilities that I really dont have an idea of what they are...I dont have to work so thats always a plus however that means I dont get any money so thats wackkk. I might cover someones shift just to get some extra money...we'll see.

Something that also has been interesting me is that I'm reading over my younger friends blogs and although theyre only younger by a year I can see the immaturity lol. Im still immature myself but it's like I'm looking @ a diff version. They are talking about the same things I used to talk about when I was their age and it's kind of funny when I read it because I feel like I just took a step back like a year lol. However, to my younger counterparts...dont be so quick to grow up because life will force you to grow and it's not fun at all. A lot of parents say they wish they could be young again and it's the truth...I would like to stay 18 forever because its a good part of my life...no credit, no worries about pretty much everything and anything lol. Parents providing me with some place to live...I'm basically mooching off of what they're doing. But it's whatever...fuck it...this is life and I can't do shit about it. I have to realize that I dont amount to shit in the world and I'm just another statistic. Theres nothing special about me that separates me from the rest of the people and I can't get upset when someone doesnt notice. No one cares about you in the world because theres about 1000 million other people just like you lol.

This will be the conclusion of my epic blogging. I have to work @ 11:30 so Im about to be outtie in a little bit. Cya. Oh yeah if you forgot...go read the other half on my SXNVL blog.

www.sexxneverlies.blogspot.com

- DI

ily bay.

my official blogspot.

*update: changed my BLOG URL link. i might change my URL frequently, but this is what i like as of yet. i`ll keep the MKDN blog updated with my URL changes.

i took whatever i wrote & decided to publish it on my blog & take it off of here.

i-mjness.blogspot.com

so go read it.

- EM.

fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore.

ummm, soo it's my turn to blog right?

LOL

okayyy,

um so.

this spring break is going by so fast...

it's like jiblleejabberr eekkkkekk &shit.

idk.

yesterday was suppose to be our movie night but guess what happen....

concaveup's mother made her do her spring break project that day and told her she couldn't go out...figures =/

di had to fricken work...eh

boom wasn't feeling good.

rufus was out of freakin town or some shit! like alwayssss

AJ had a ride to but not fro...

kay had to go over his aunt's house...

cia could go of course b/c it was her house

so pretty much i was the only one who could go LMFAO..

smh, everything we plan nvr works out.

tisktisk

so the night was a nay and that shit had to get rescheduled.

what a bummer.

sooo the rest of my day consisted of me doing iklhsrghughtr and knocked the hell out at about 9ish.

ahehehawhaw.

ahwell.

theres tomorrowww...

so now i'm multitasking b/w this 

&my gothic/psche essay thats due midnight tonight

&then i gotta start on my fricken spring break project that imma use spark notes for =]

um, okay i have the attention span of a mouse, 

i only got 2 paragraphs done.

ehhhh, well this is the end of my blog b/c it's going nowhere.

peace<3

-en

death.

I'm only blogging because En forced me to lol. I dont really know what to blog about besides what I have been blogging about for the past month. No money. That gets kind of boring after a while. So I can't do anything basically because I dont have any money. Now I'll have to work doubles @ work to get some money and then that'll just go straight to fees that i'll have to pay. *sigh* death. Well hopefully these doubles will leave me with more money than I have to spend. I should make a good 400 bucks this week and then another 400 next weekend so I should at least be left over with some to spend at my own leisure...hopefully. I just want to spend it on food and gas. lol. I dont really care about spending it on anything else. Well and Bay cause Bay has been spending money on me for the past what...month? lol. But yeah...Im hungry and sleepy...ready to work my double tomorrow woo hoo. So yeahh, bye. :)

- DI

ily bay.

that`s what it`s made for.

i completely edited my post. i was searching youtube for Usher's That`s What It`s Made For &  omgsh u guys have to watch this guy perform this song its sooo embarrassing especially the first one. smh. OMG i can`t believe this just watch all of both videos & pay attention to the fat lady on the left side in the first lolololol.








& the last one is this guy doing Chris Brown's Take You Down oh emmm gee it`s sooo funny!

um, hello?

um, so yeah.

i don't really have anything to blog about...but lets just fill the void where my blog is suppose to be at.

sooo, hmmm.

life is life.

lol.

i'm becoming very self stable &whatnotish.

i'm realizing that i hate depending on people, although sometimes i fricken have to.

yahyah.

actually i've realized alot.

but they haven't really come to a head for me to elaborate on themmm.

soo, i took my placement test for penn state. 

it was pretty easy for the most part, but the chemistry section kicked my ass.

i haven't had chemistry since the 9th grade so i know i don't know squattttttt.

i can't wait till they send me my little orientation thingy-thing date so i can go back down there againnnnnnn.

[ i had to put my phone on fricken silent, i'm recieving my txts all late & shit. smh]

hmm, i'm getting fat.

it's unacceptable.

&being as though prom is coming up thats HIGHLY unacceptable.

sooo, my lil sis is being all jkdgvhjdkgjghkf on me and she's making me run manana morning.

i guess i shalll..eh

um so yeahhh...

this blog didn't intrigue my life in any way.

so here are so random pics i took today on my lunch break @ work.

mwuahahhaha

wth;

my thigh feels like it's twitching and burning.

lol, thats so weird...

okay well.

peace<3

-en.