i am clearly not the one of those jesus hollering christians, but i do believe in jesus. i`m doing a little research if you will & it opened up my thoughts & felt compelled to write something. i always wondered about. . . the other side if you will (i don`t even read my bible though, but i know somethings that are in it because i have read it sometimes, but mostly it sits in the bottom of my computer desk, with dust on it, lol).
now, let me tell you my main focus for believing in Jesus.
it`s NOT because i fear death. it is going to happen to me eventually & i cannot change that. i fear immense pain, but no, not death. what happens is going to happen to me. whether i die old or young (which i always have reoccuring feelings that i`m not going to live a long life or someone close to me is going to die . . . which is a bit odd i admit, but those are just how i feel, so i don`t think i would be completely shocked if i died young).
but anyhoot, now i have a belief in 'spirits'. i don`t want to call them demons or ghosts, or whathaveyou, (i prefer dark angels or angels...but i really do). i believe they exist. i always believed in Jesus, but it was certain events that have happened in my life that conveyed me to believe that it`s not just black & white. there is more to the picture. i have my own personal proof. not just by looking at the trees, or wondering how all of this was made. these are things that you can`t see, but are more powerful than you when it comes to determining your thought process (if you think it`s weird, just look at it this way, if you ever get involved with someone, especially sexually, after its over, you will notice that you picked up some of their characteristics. . . it`s not just because you were spending time together, it`s because you guys became as one, sexually, emotionally, spiritually & you felt something for them & built something thats hard to break . . . your soul attached if you will . . but this does NOT mean that you will never get over them just means that it will be very hard to do so . . . which is why you need to watch the company you keep even as friends). i am always the first to believe the most unrealistic thing because things are never, ever black & white, & this just isn`t with spirits, or religion, or whatever. it`s in your day to day life . . . your dealings with people, life, etc.
i really do believe in 'spirits'. i don`t really know how i feel about all of them, but it`s definitely there. i get slightly spooked out even thinking about it, but i don`t fear anything because my heart & my soul was given to Jesus. i`m not into the bible & i don`t think that a lot of it is true (or if i could ever get heavily into the bible. . . it`s a hard, condemning life to lead with so much temptation), but just a guide to help us win this spiritual warfare, but everyone has to live for themselves. i understand this but it doesn`t make it any less harder when i truly wonder what`s going on. my mom is not perfect, as you guys have read before (lol), but it`s incredible that she can touch on what`s going on with some peoplewithout even knowing them. it is because she has a certain eye for seeing what`s good & bad (which doesn`t mean that she has perfect judgment either . . . because if that was the case . . . LMFAO).
my main reason for believing that there is a Jesus, is not because I want my soul to have eternal peace, but it is because i fear of what my life would be exposed to if i didn`t believe. i think the deeper you get into questionable things, the more you submit yourself to something weird happening to you. i know this for a fact, it`s not just something i`ve read before because it happened to me. i won`t ever doubt Jesus because i know that he saved me from whatever was going on with me, but, it could`ve gotten so much worse, but he delivered me (look at me sounding all gfjgejkger). if you get involved with dark things, be prepared for things to show themselves to you. if you dip & dabble with the dark & evil, the dark & evil will show you what`s up. i think anyone who doesn`t believe in jesus & submit themselves to dark things, God will truly show them that there is a God. i think that`s the only way. & then there are people that go their whole life without believing because it isn`t solid evidence, but if that was the case then i don`t think love would exist. love you have for your brother, or love you have for your husband, or mother. because it isn`t there. you can say how much you love someone & even prove it in actions, but how do you know it`s really there when you have no solid proof? there will never be a plaque or an award for how much you 'love' someone. you just KNOW & the same goes with Jesus. it`s a feeling. i think if there was no Jesus, then we wouldn`t be able to believe & obtain what we want in life. . . because it`s not there in physicallity (is that even a word? lol). jesus is the first thing in believing we can do something. now whether we keep the belief or not is up to us but it is the first sense of hope that a lot of us are introduced to as little kids.
alot of my friends wonder why i constantly think about situations where i could possibly die when i`m just going about my daily life. everytime i`m on a bus or a subway i imagine something happening, or when i`m walking down the street. i am always aware of my surroundings. it`s natural for me. but, i can be in pitch blackness & watch a spooky documentary about serial killers or something along that line & sleep perfectly, i can get kind of freaked out, but i do that on a regular because i am always trying to make sure that i am physically alone. i really don`t fear many things honestly, but if i didn`t have Jesus, i probably would have dabbled in many things like . . . well, i`m very interested in astrologishhh things, ouija boards (which btw if people use them & think they`re contacting 'good' spirits
. . . good luck with that lol), etc . . . things a long that line, so knowing me & my curiosity about everything, i would have eventually began to practice that or tarot cards, or idol worship. i would have intensified being a weirdo, lol, but this is ME & i know that i am interested in a lot of different things. what if i wasn`t brought up to know Jesus or what if the things that happened to me didn`t happen? i would have began to dig deeper & deeper & i really think bad things would have happened to me. i am very interested in the unknown, like 'spirits', so i would have called upon them at some point. honestly. i know this sounds crazy, but i`m being honest. i have to know everything, that`s just me. i like to learn about things that most people don`t care about & honestly i feel like i`m wiser & smarter when it comes to things than most people my age (not saying i don`t make mistakes).
everyone has their own beliefs though, i remember this & i accept this. with people comes diversity & what works for people, works for them. i believe that religion is ethnic & regional though. some people go out of the box & i can really respect it. hinduism has worked for indian people for ages, buddhism, janism, sihkism, daoism, etc has worked for asians, etc, etc, but for me, i am not quick to call myself a Christian even though i have Christian beliefs but i don`t really conform to all the Christian teachings (like i believe in evolution, & blah, blah, blah), but i believe that there once was a man named Jesus, who was born with the weight of the world on his shoulders with the intentions of delivering us all from our sins. so whenever i am doubt, i pray & ask Jesus for help, & he may be late, but he`s right on time (lmfaoooooo!). whenever i am in fear, i call on Jesus & he makes me stronger. i don`t have all the answers but this works for me & keeps my mind at peace. i am always thinking. i am thinking about you & what you`re doing if i know you. i pray for all of my friends (which i recently started this, i want to be less selfish). i try to not take a lot of things for granted (likeee, i like to hold my brothers or mother`s hand when i`m sitting in the passenger`s seat & their driving. they won`t always be here or i may not always be here, so it`s moments like these where i`m grateful to have them . . . i`m kind of affectionate when it comes to my mom bro & sis . . .but most people. . . hell no). i`m trying to live & be thankful & not let this lifeeee pass me by (MAXWELL!<3).>
always remember that almost everything we do or know of is man made, the bible is man made. . . the church has omitted some things from it over the past centuries, so never let that stop you from believing & never let that stop you from doing what`s best for YOU. don`t ever condemn someone else`s beliefs because you wouldn`t want someone to do it you. don`t base your opinion of Jesus off some church where you see people acting a 'fool' & using every bible scripture out of context or even if you see them doing questionable things yourself. do some soul searching, look at other religions, etc. you don`t have to be any religion to pray, but given the right circumanstances, the strictest atheist would call upon Jesus for help if it`s their last hope & if their scared enough. this blog was NOT meant to change anyone`s opinion, but to open a small door into my life & what i believe in. i am still growing, learning, maturing, . . . . take it as you will & if it made you think on some things than i did my job. =]]]]
(hmmm, possibly considering journalism as part as my music major thingy for next semester. . . . is it a no brainer? i like to ramble a lot honestly soo whooplah!! need to talk about my hair the next blog since i am utterly confused about it. . this blog took an hour to write & excuse me for my grammatical erros i`m really good in grammar..., when i`m passionate about something . . . .whew, there`s no stopping me & that goes with everything in life)
"i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i fear no evil; for You are with me."
- EM.
